I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
