I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Are my feet made of real feet?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
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