the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
