I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
