At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
