NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
