i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the condom got lost in my hair
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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