And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
