Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
