Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
