My sheets look like a crime scene.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I believe in your delicious
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
