I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
