Michael Bay diarrhea
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
