so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I got inside last night via doggy door
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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