you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
