is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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