I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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