I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
false alarm, still single
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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