Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
