i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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