I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
