I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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