I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize