i already hear my dad disowning me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
