and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
