I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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