I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
She's JV to your varsity
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
