I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
