To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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