If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We talked him into tasing himself.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
