we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Randomize
