I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
