obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
