you win again, gameday.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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