omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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