Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
