I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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