I wanna passion pit in your ass
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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