3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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