Just cropdusted the office
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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