I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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