In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
