Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
