Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
jump out the window naked night went bad
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
