so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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