dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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