i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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