Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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