um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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