i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
